Elegy
by Aniaj
Summary: A short glimpse into Jen's mind on a special day...


Elegy __

Author's note: this takes place immediately after the events in the episode "Jen's Revenge", when she's standing outside before Wes talks to her. It was one of the best episodes I've ever seen of any Power Rangers series, hands down. 

I wrote this while listening to a recording of the "Elégie" for 'cello and piano by Gabriel Fauré (1845-1924). It's an awesome, hauntingly beautiful piece and perfectly communicates the complex emotions I was trying to convey below. If I could, I'd include it with the story, but since I can't, I highly recommend that you get hold of a recording of it and listen to it. 

Elégie

__

"Time present, and time past

Are both perhaps present in time future,

And time future contained in time past."

- T.S. Elliot, 'Four Quartets', 1940

This morning was different. You could say it was special. I could feel it as soon as I woke up. The others didn't notice. Why should they? Their world didn't change in a heartbeat. Oh sure, we're out of our time. But we're Time Force. That's nothing new. Although they've never gone over what to do if you're stuck a thousand years in the past in any of the training classes.

But I digress. This morning, I watched as the sun rose over the city, casting rich beams of light down to earth, bathing the city in the light of a new day. A new day, and new beginning. Somehow, it isn't fair that the sun should even have risen today. I guess it's the galaxy's idea of a joke. Not a very good one.

A month ago today, he and I stood on the roof of the barracks and watched the sunrise, together. He held me close to him, and I, still half asleep, let my head rest against his shoulder. It was as close to heaven as I've ever been. Complete contentment, blissful happiness. 

I wish that was the reason today is so special. I wish I could look back and smile in remembrance. But I can't. Because a month ago today my soul was ripped out of me in one life-shattering moment of agony. A month ago today, my heart died with him there on the landing pad. The same blade that cut through his flesh pierced my heart. The person I was died as surely as he did, his blood staining the white cement under him. 

A new being was born from the ashes of the old. There were remnants of the old, but the new dedicated her life to one purpose: vengeance. Pure and simple. No lofty civilized ideals of justice and morality. Just vengeance. This time, I don't have a heart. I won't be restrained by such petty things as a conscience. They died with the old. 

I wonder what he would think if he saw me now. Would he be surprised, shocked? The others would be, if I let them see the new me, the intentions and emotions in what used to be my soul.

They caught a glimpse of it today, when I came so close to letting the anger and pain and rage bottled inside me out. When I lost control of my actions, and the new me got loose. It was too soon. I wasn't ready. Ransik showed me that as he defeated me so easily and completely. I wasn't ready to face him today. It was foolish, going there alone so outnumbered, so unprepared. It was mere fool's luck that I wasn't killed, struck down by his killer. When I face Ransik again, I will not make the same mistake. 

The others wouldn't understand the new me, the one I hide from the world. I don't blame them, they haven't risen above all the trivial, society-induced ideals of justice and morality. As if those ideals saved him. He died in my arms in the service to an ideal that failed him completely. An ideal that I once served, and that the others still do. No, they don't understand. 

I failed him a month ago. I let Ransik escape, and he died. Nothing I could do will ever rectify that. But I can ensure that Ransik will never harm another human being. It's up to me to protect my friends and the people of this time. In protecting the past, I can at least safeguard the future. It's the least I can do, since my failure to hold Ransik was the cause of all this. I swear by him that I will not fail again. 

A month ago today, I could not have imagined how my life would change. Now, I will never forget. And maybe, a month from now, Ransik will be gone for good, his cronies defeated, and I will have fulfilled my purpose. My friends can return to the future with their heads held high. And then, only then, I will think about being with him. About honoring my last obligation, our promise to each other. The last words he ever spoke. My best friend. My soulmate. My would-be lover. We are destined to be together. Forever. Much has changed in a month's time, but not that. Never that. 

A month ago today, I stood on a sandy, rock-strewn beach and looked around, my first glimpse of an ancient era. In such a short time, I have become rather fond of this era. It has a pure simplicity to it, an honesty that has since deteriorated over a thousand years, victim to increasingly advanced technology. I see much of that difference embodied in Wes. 

Wes, who looks so much like him. Who said the only thing that would have stopped me from disintegrating that mutant today. When I first met him, I was so overcome with pain wherever I saw him that it was all I could do to speak. The slightest gesture would so remind me of him that my heart would clench in grief and my throat would close up. That, too, has changed over the course of a month. My mind, at least, knows that he is Wes, even if my heart does not. I suppose in another month that might change. I don't know. I suspect not. 

Wes has become a part of our group now. He lives with us, he shares in what we have. And he fights with us, in his place. I still believe that last one is a mistake. As much as he has matured in the last month, and he has, he is still dangerously inexperienced, which is a weakness that could very well lead to our defeat. I didn't have much of a choice back then; I still don't now. With all I must accomplish, I don't relish the added responsibility of a new team member, let alone a spoiled, immature one. I can only hope he outgrows his head-strong ways before life decides to mature him in a far more brutal fashion. 

Because, despite all his weaknesses, Wes has been a boon to us all. It is because of him that we can chrono-morph, that we have a place to live and clothes that allow us to blend in with the native people. But more than that, he brings a cheerfulness, a naive optimism that makes it easier to live every day here, a thousand years away from our homes and families. It will be hard for everyone around when we can finally go back to our time.

A month ago, and a thousand years away, in one blow, I lost my soulmate, my world, my family, everything. And as I watch the last rays of the sun caress the tallest buildings forlornly in their dying light, it occurs to me that the sunset is a much more appropriate memorial.

__

Finis

* * *

© 2001. This may not be reproduced, digitally or otherwise, without the permission of the author. (All ya have to do is ask:)) 

_Power Rangers _ and all that it encompasses belongs solely to Saban and Co. This story is for recreational purposes only and the author receives no money from it. 


End file.
